MY POLYGAMOUS ESCAPADES

My silence here has been deafening. Well am back. I have been attending to other matters: football.
About two weeks ago, the good Lord shone his mercy on me and spoke to my dear wife. Believe it or not my wife decided that she was done fighting this co-wife I call soccer. She decided that she should take her undisputed position of first wife. As my first and only true wife, she reckoned she had nothing to fear.To show how liberating her new found realization was, she installed DSTV in our home. Now, that was my wife in her true colours, taking the bull by the horns.

I must say that I was quite puzzled, wondering where the catch in all this was. My confusion however did not hinder me from devouring these lovely goodies. I suddenly found myself in this hitherto dream world. So wide was my choice that on the first night I didn't watch any single match for more than 5 minutes. My channel flipping was akin to the proverbial hyena that split himself right through the middle trying to follow two opposite paths leading to two sumptuous meals. In fact my situation was worse than the hyena’s: there were more than two meals in the form of Supersport 1-7., ESPN, ESPN Classic etc.

I have since accepted that this is no dream but reality. This acceptance has ushered in a new lifestyle that is virtually lived on my couch right in front of my TV. I have no interest in anything that draws me away from my beloved companion. My wife however is beginning to question the wisdom (or the lack of it) of her brave action. She has realized that living in harmony with a co-wife is no easy task. Tolerating her (the co-wife) is hard enough. She has resorted to other tactics to restore sanity into her territory. For starters, we seem to get allot of invitations to birthday parties and family functions. Curiously, the timing of these functions has been spot on- Saturday and Sunday afternoons. My reluctance to attend these parties has been met with even more creative distractions. She has decided that since I claim to be such a sports lover I may as well extend my love of sports to playing at least one sport. Her choice of sport and her way of communicating the need for it couldn't be more ego-bashing. This past Saturday, she dragged me to a swimming pool ostensibly in a mission to put a check on my ever distending pot belly.

Dear brothers, be careful what you ask for, coz you might just get it. What begun as a dream come true has turned into a crisis. As if fighting my wife is not hard enough, I have found a new 'foe' by the name of Trufena (our house-help). When I think DSTV, I think soccer. Little did I know that there’s more to it than just soccer. Her busy fingers have discovered Africa magic, a channel of African movies. Yes, those movies that I so love to hate. My wife on her part has developed a new liking for blockbuster MNet movies and it’s becoming a real headache explaining to her why we should lock the channel on Supersport. The remote control has become a WMD (Weapon of Marriage Distraction).
So what does a man do? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe there is need for the formation of an FA (Fanatics Anonymous) as my friend Helen wittily quipped.